A natural part of working with others
Conflict is a natural part of working with others. It is how this conflict is dealt with that will determine whether it will impact the relationship or workplace in a helpful or damaging way.
Conflicts usually involve one or more of the following:
- differences in, ideas, opinions, goals, actions, beliefs, or actions
- power imbalance
- need(s) of party(ies) are not being met
The goal is to resolve these differences in positive ways that:
- respect all parties,
- consider multiple perspectives and possibilities, and
- value the legitimate needs of everyone involved.
Such a process can result in solutions or decisions that are creative and innovative. Decision-making and problem-solving is enhanced when differences are used to generate and expand the possible avenues for action.
“Conflict is a normal, inevitable feature of organizations. Conflict is neither good nor bad. How people deal with conflict determines whether conflict helps or hinders the organization.”
-- G. Walker, Advanced Leadership Corvallis Training, March 1997
Conflict management
Conflict management is the process of limiting the negative aspects of conflict while increasing the positive aspects of conflict. Conflict that is well managed can produce positive effects in working relationships and eliminate the negative effects of escalated conflict.
When conflict is left unmanaged, it can, on occasion, also take on a life of its own, drawing in other people or departments. If the conflict grows, people, departments, and the institution all pay the price of deteriorating mental health and wellness as well as work performance. In very extreme circumstances it can lead to workplace violence.
Basics and tips to manage conflict
Treat others with respect
Although it may be difficult during conflict, we must treat the other person as a person of worth and as an equal. Words of disrespect are hurtful and block communication.
Reflect on your conflict style
An important part of dealing with conflict effectively is to discover your preferred conflict style(s) and learn how to manage a variety of situations using different conflict approaches. You then can reflect on when this may be most helpful to you and how you may be able to expand your use of other conflict strategies in different situations.
Take the Conflict Assessment Online Interactive Survey from the United States Institute of Peace.
Use rational thinking
Respond rather than react.
Explore assumptions, perceptions, and expectations that may be present.
Use resources
Make a list of resources and supports that may be helpful and refer to them throughout the process should you run into a barrier.
Use resources for skill development or coaching that might be helpful for you to be effective in addressing this conflict.
Confront the problem
Find a time and place to discuss the conflict with the other person.
Choose a time when parties are able to be in a positive headspace.
Choose a location that is comfortable and neutral for all parties.
Define the conflict
Describe the conflict in clear, concrete terms. What is the issue?
Describe behaviors, feelings, consequences, and desired changes. (Use I statements)
Focus on behaviors or problems, not people.
Define the conflict as a problem for both of you to solve together, not a battle to be won. What is the goal?
Communicate understanding
Listen to really understand the other person’s feelings, needs, and so forth. What feelings did I hear? What needs have been expressed?
Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
Step back and try to imagine how the other person sees things.
Explain how you see the problem after you have talked about it. Discuss any changes you have made in the way you see things or how you feel.
Explore solutions
Review the goal you are trying to achieve or needs you are trying to meet.
Take turns offering alternative solutions.
Be nonjudgmental of others’ ideas.
Examine possible outcomes of these solutions.
Think and talk positively.
Agree on the most workable solution
Agree to a solution you both understand and can live with.
Work to find a “win-win” solution.
Be committed to resolving the conflict.
Be open minded.
Remember the goal you are trying to achieve or needs you are trying to meet.
Evaluate and debrief
Work out a way to check on how well the solution is working. Adjust the resolution when necessary.
Take time for self-care
Participate in activities and interactions that boost your well-being and show respect to your mind, body, and soul. By taking care of yourself you will not only be in a better place to effectively deal with conflict, but you will also be in a better place to grow from conflict.
Video: Four Tips for Managing Conflict
